Well Tracy, I said I was going to share this quite a while ago then we lost our Internet for over a week and then our computer went down for a couple of days but we are up and running again. Now I am going to have to recall what I was going to share with you. Hmmm. Oh yeah you had asked the ? who is 'open' in the change room and who is 'closed' and for me that brought on initially a joking response but afterward I had some 'body image' thoughts to share.
When I was young early teens and twenties I was very concerned about how I looked. I was trying to do everything possible to look OK. I spent so much of my time, energy and resources on how I looked. Nothing was ever good enough and no matter what I did I just plain looked awful. That was all I could see. Then after I had my first child I went completely the opposite. I took a stand- to be a 'natural woman' and let my body be the way God designed it. Under arm hair, leg hair, no bra, and on and on. Rick is so.... gracious is all I have to say about that! I will never forget the look on these teen girls faces when we were at a local swimming pool. The poor girls were so repulsed by me with hair on my legs and probably a few other observations they made when looking at me. I got "disgust" and "repulsed" vibes from many sources not just at the pool.
To make a novel -a smaller novel- I will move on. After many years of therapy(for anxiety & depression) I would find myself still struggling with -what is the purpose of trying to look OK vs. I am the way I am can't you accept me. And although I was not 'owned' so much by these issues they were still there. But see it is still my way what I deem to be right or wrong given whatever frame of mind I am in at the time.
When I gave my Life to Christ ALL of that changed. He is the purpose. He is the meaning. And He brings a balance and sense to my functioning that brings the Answer to my struggles even though it is hard to put into words what the answer is.(if that can possibly make any sense) I will try to explain. Now, I use various products for my face and hair and alter the 'natural' way my hair and body would well 'naturally' uhhh position itself; within moderation for the purpose of Christ. Jesus wants me to love my husband. Part of loving my husband is looking socially acceptable. Jesus wants me to attract people to Him through my life. I have noticed that there are not too many people attracted to a life that is distasteful in any form. Do I have distaste in my life? You bet ya. I am far from where Christ would have me be. But I am striving in Him.
These are just a few of the thoughts that have allowed me freedom from being owned by the issue of looks and at the same time being free to put some effort and investment into presenting myself as uhh socially acceptable. I could go on and on with many more thoughts(they help me understand what I am doing and why) but I find my thoughts take away from the real healing that allows me this freedom. My healing really is a gift from Christ Jesus. His purpose and healing power brings every situation that I surrender in obedience to Him into a state of wholeness that is hard for my human mind to share. But I must because His Love bursts forth from my heart and I am compelled to do everything I possibly can while I still have breath to share this Amazing Love of Christ.
So whether it is how I present this body to others or learning to look after 'things' better or how and where I spend my God given Life energy and resources it all has real purpose that is grounded in Truth. And I am so thankful He has healed it all up and I am slowly but surely realizing it. God is so Good.
I pray this is somewhat on topic. I am skipping over quite a large topic here. And the whole 'looks' thing can also get into another area that I think our society struggles with which is body size and shape. Having recovered from a 'prison of thoughts' that held me captive depending on- a number on a scale, a size of clothing, the amount of body fat content I may be carrying at any given time, what I saw when I looked in the mirror and more to the point what the image of myself was. I find that all of these issues are put in their proper place in Christ. He is sovereign. He has won the Victory and all we need to do is pick up His trophy as we cross over His finish line into Freedom. I know on some days this can seem like such a hard thing to do while we are living here on earth. But Holy Spirit gives me the sense it is possible. It is achievable. And His Love shines through it all. Thank God. OK I am really rambling now. Got to go.
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