When I Found Out The Truth About My Husband

My husband is so precious to me. When we were first dating I just knew he was the one for me. He was perfect and I wanted to be perfect for him. It seemed that there was nothing that we could not accomplish together. When we were about 5 years into our relationship the most unbelievable realization occurred to me. My husband was not perfect, he could not save me, basically he was not God. I could not believe it. I thought he was the one, the answer to all my problems and needs. I was shocked.

As I look back I can see that I started having serious "adult temper tantrums" in a desperate attempt to fix what was wrong and to make myself whole, to find "the answer" to "the problem"(even though I was unaware of what "the problem"was). The realization that my husband was not God helped me discover that I too am not God. I am not perfect and I cannot save him either. This was another shocker for me (actually I knew I was far from perfect but I thought if I just kept trying I could save him and myself and whoever else may cross our path- that showed me that in my subconscious somewhere I thought I was God). I was reading my Bible recently and this passage struck me and reminded me of how I felt.

2 Samuel 22:5-7
Death, like ocean waves,
surrounded me,
and I was almost
swallowed
by its flooding
waters.
Ropes from the world
of the dead
had coiled around me,
and death had set a trap
in my
path.
I was in terrible trouble
when I called out to you,
but from
your temple
you heard me
and
answered my prayer.

2 Samuel
22:17-20
You reached down from heaven,
and
you lifted me
from deep in the
ocean.
You rescued me from enemies
who were hateful
and too powerful
for me.
On the day disaster struck,
they came and attacked,
but you
defended me.
When I was fenced in,
you freed and rescued me
because you
love me.

I spent 3 years in therapy which included marriage therapy as well trying to work this all out. Rick and I got through it and we were better and stronger than before. However our marriage really started changing and healing when I gave my life to Jesus. When I discovered that He was real and I felt Him in my heart after desperately searching, since childhood for God but being blocked by a dark wall of blackness. The Lord has also touched Ricks' heart and has Saved us both. This comes with a promise that you and your household will be Saved. So that means our children are Saved as well.

I am so happy and blessed to have gone through this journey with my precious husband Rick. When I walk in Christs' ways I am able to truly Love him, myself , my children and whoever God places in our path (even though I am not sure how to do that on my own) . When I "fill up" on the Holy Spirit I do not get caught in the place of "fight or flight" when my needs and fears are not met. I can stay grounded in Love because my survival is not based on the people around me but I Know the Lord and His ways determine my survival. This frees Rick and I to focus on how we can, as the Loving partners we are in Christ, solve the issues of this life creatively, constructively and most of all helping each other instead of getting trapped in a battle for survival.

So when I start getting caught up in the flesh (my needs, my ways) and I start getting uptight about whatever is undone in our life, I pray that the Holy Spirit will remind me Who is, the Way, the Truth and the Life, so I can let go and let God.

I love you Rick. Thank you for persevering through this life so far with me. I know you wanted "real-without masks" well you got it, eh? It was "real" good (I think?) but it was also "real" bad. I Know our Lord had His hand on us all the time. There is no way we could have survived together without His Grace and Mercy helping us even before we Knew Him, isn't that amazing!

Mark 10:8
AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Thank you Lord Jesus for SAVING this family so we can live for You in all we do!